Sunday, October 14, 2012

A week filled with unexpected weather...

The filth tornado came spinning dangerously and dark, during the week that felt like a month. Through the gray sky, reality was shinning down uncovering what seemed to be only shadows. Those shadows were the ones who were truly dancing. The little light inside was drowning. 

Why you might ask? Well stress induced bodies can only handle so must until they exploded. When that demon takes hold, he breaks down the body immunity system and the nasty disease recks havic on the mind and body. With demons running a muck in your being, one has a hard time keeping emotions in check. Especially if the emotions and desire are not communicated fulling. Not the best way to make a first impression, especially highly intoxicated, and with other challenges in the way.

A day in the desert, can feel like a week to many. However, in the end it was just a day. But how much time do you have to truly spend with someone until you know you like how they feel? Yes, you might not know if you are compatible. Yet, you can know you like the feeling of being in their presences and the way they make you feel. What is in a connections?  It can get very confusing, especially, to someone who is looking for more than just a friendly connection.




Many lessons were learned. You should never push expectations on someone. Especially, if you don't know all their secrets. You could mean the world to someone or you could be a tester. Scaring people off and acting like a crazy are not the cutest qualities in a lady. But hey, at least I was true and honest. I put myself completely out there. The bright side and the dark side were all on the table. It does not get much more uglier than that. I guess a normal person would know, the reason for ones travels, but you if never ask, no one ever tells.  

You know that feeling you get when your mind is spinning and you cant formula a logical sentence? You do, ok, good, because that's when things can be kind of painful. It makes you wonder was their a connection or did I just get womanized? That's when you need to put down the old shit and embrace the present moment. Let it all unfold as it may, because time and love work in mysteries ways. P.S. all that needs to be on your mind is you for the next 10 weeks. Sometimes you need an creative outlet though to keep yourself in check and let emotions go.

This week that felt like a month, would I do it all over?  I wish I could do it all over. Especially Sunday, because that is the day I regret the most. I think remembering the words that were exchanged on a second store patio would of been the best words to discuss again. From what I can remember, it was break up before we could even make up. Still a little confused at what we were breaking up from. I think that was me and all my emotion? With that drunk recall, my hope of anything more came crushing down like a brick wall so when you held my hand I pulled away because I thought I got taken out of them game. I felt I couldn't turn the tide back in my favor.  So romance and physical connection was a bit much, and I didn't want to get sucked in again without having something tangible given in return. However, I wanted physical touch and deepness more than anything, but it appears Im afraid of it. Platonic love...Ill save that one for another day. But maybe I wasn't ready for all that anyway. I know the one will come. The one where we connect and fit perfectly.  The one who makes me better and teaches me the things and I them. The one who lives on my level, in the sense of works hard and plays hard. Who wants me in every way. For the one lives inside me, and it time to shed the darkness and embrace the light without turning back.

We find gems where we go, its the ones that are worth fighting for or where you have to work the most that make it all worth it. Without challenges and time of pain, we would never know how to appreciate the other side.

XOXO. 
Andy
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