Technology does it help or hurt...

Technology keeps people connected at all times, but does it help or hurt us in the journey of love? Websites, such as, FB, make it a lot easier for people to let others know they are thinking about them. It eliminates the guessing game and effort one truly has to put in,  by simply clicking like on your status or link. For example, you're thinking about a certain someone and you haven't seen them in your news feed for awhile, so you check out their page to see what they've been up too. In a sense,  modern technology makes it easier for the person doing the admiring, because they can hide how they feel or how interested they are in what that person is doing. These websites make is so we don't need to pick up the phone and make a call or even a text, we can just update our home page, and then you know.


But what happens when that person no longer exist in your friend list? How will you know what is going on in their lives? Do they still exist? Well, gosh, I sure do hope so. Sometimes, we just need to take a second for ourselves and regroup; see what and who we want in our lives. Those who care will show it, no matter what. Sometimes, it's just hard to tell how someone feels, when we get to hide behind a screen. The truth and love will always win no matter what medium we use to express it. Put in the work, and show that love. People will appreciate it, trust me and love will be returned in time, but don't sacrifice yourself for it. 

Discovering Love...

I'm some what of a hippie in the sense that I believe in my horoscope and stuff like that. I read Susan Miller every month. (http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/). It stated that within the month of May I would find true love. I've come to realize that love comes from within. Your "true love" in a sense is just a companion. Someone you can tell your problems to. Someone you can bounce ideas off of. Someone who you trust. Someone who you can  have fun with by letting loose without judgement. This bond can go deeper than just a romantic relationship. I witness something beautiful among a divorced couple recently. They were almost married for 20 years. Within that time, they had grown up and became who they are today, from the beginning of their romantic relationship until the end. But what I saw was magical. They had beautiful chemistry and flow. In a conversation, they used each other like a team to communicate upon a group. They both were charsmaic and could keep people interest easily. I could see where their problem laid though. They understood each gorgeously and seemed to be compatible. In the sense, they balanced each other like yin and yang. However, through out their whole relationship it seemed there never learn to communicate or maybe be honest within that relationship; that might be a stretch. But, even though, they might not work in a romantic relationship anymore, due to the difference in which they grown into  or lack of communication possibly even commitment; however, they are still friends and are there for one any other. There may linger some anger on either end of the halves, but together they will always be a whole through the connection of their daughter. That is a magical thing no one can take away. To me, no matter what they're issues are amongst themselves or each other, that is what true love is all about; Loving yourself while being there for someone who you care deeply about through thick and thin.


"The spark" we feel when we meet someone for the first, I'm not sure if there exist a meaning for it. Except that, I feel it is just an intense sense of attraction for a person and since we are not taught how to handle these things, it  seems  there should be a meaning; Yet, I'm not sure there is.


But its time to radiate the essences which lives inside. Love is the power! Love resides in family, yourself, and the beauty that surrounds you. This journey isn't about finding love or giving love, because these things are easy to come by; Patience is a virtue. It's a journey of learning to be able to be loved from yourself and those around you. Trying giving and receiving some love today!! 

Three strikes...

The concept of "three strikes you're out" is a good way to look at things.  The law and baseball follow this rule and do so for good reason. You're given three chances and if you choke when you're up to bat,  well than you go back to the dug out  disappointing your teammates. This is a standard I need to use in life. If you give someone to many chances they will walk all over you; that is a sign of  weakness. You are  giving someone power over you and letting them use you, which is not cool, but you have the power in this situation. If someone is treating you this way, its because you're letting them. You need to be strong, stand up for yourself, and demand people treat you right, because I'm pretty sure you treat them well.  Only give people three strikes and if they fuck up, no matter how big or small, it's time to distance yourself emotional maybe even physical from them. A smart person will realize that you won't put up with their shit and they will either treat you how you want or walk all over you, sometimes it is best to just let them go. 


You are a strong beautiful person babe. If someone is not deserving of your awesomeness, well then they shouldn't have a piece of what you're serving. In baseball, if you play your cards right when you're up at bat you can have more than three balls pitched at you, but babe this ain't baseball it's life. Time to start giving those strikes. This shouldn't just go for boys who you want to date, it should go for everyone. Because how you let people treat you, says a lot about how much you care about yourself. On this journey of finding love, how much you respect and love yourself plays a big role. So love yourself and don't take shit from anyone. Give those strikes and send to them the dug out if that is where they belong. 

Peter Pan

Did anyone ever ask Wendy what her take was on her adventures with Peter Pan? Well I think they should have. We all know the story about the boy who doesn't want to grow up. But what we don't know is the story of the girl who falls for his boyish charm. 


The story goes as I know it, that Peter stumbles upon Wendy while listening to stories outside her window. In other words, he found her. He persuades Wendy to come to Neverland in the hopes she will tell more stories. Through their interactions and wild adventures, she begins to have  strong feelings for Peter. They play this game like nothing is happening between them while Tinker Bell tries to keep them apart, because she too feels the same as Wendy does for Peter. Wendy begins to see the light and remembers where she came from. As the story goes, Wendy leaves Neverland and Peter stays, never growing up, because he is afraid they will keep him and turn him into a man. O Peter, but  Wendy doesn't want too to turn you into a man. Peter's boyish ways are what she fell for to begin with and would never want to change that. 


But Peter promises to come back and visit Wendy in the summer. Wendy is left waiting and saying, "You won't forget to come for me, Peter? Please, please don't forget." Wendy does wait for Peter every summer, but she moves on finding what Peter couldn't  give her. However, Peter keeps his promise but continues bring others to Neverland to company him. 


O Wendy, how hard it can be to care for a boy who doesn't want to grow up.  But maybe we feel the way we do, because we see a little piece of us in Peter and we long for  Neverland ourselves.  We all take the same fairy dusk to get where we want to go and for the journey of love. 

The Lies We Tell...

Telling the truth can be a hard thing to do. It's easier to not take responsibility for your actions and to just brush them under the bed.  But the boogie man will come out to play and reveal those lies when you least expect it.


Sometimes the best lies are the ones we tell ourselves. We like to pretend we want certain things; yet, we hide from our truth desires. Maybe because it is scarier to think that if we admit what we want the other person would run and never look back.  As it turns out, your actions will speak louder than your words. So instead of hiding and sweeping it under the bed, you should confront it and address the issue. Whether the issue be within yourself or with another, grow up and tell it like it is.


My bed rest on a frame and I don't think my shoes will protect me so before the man comes for me I should lay my desires out to blow in the wind:


Honestly, most are looking for the same thing, LOVE. Who doesn't want to be loved and have someone to love? Yes, fun is always high on the list as well, but why can't we have our cake and eat it too. Well you can. You just have to find someone who is looking for the same thing and likes doing what you do. Then you get it all in one nice package. Also If  you can't take your eyes off that person and all you want to do is jump their  bones than you have a win win situations. I've been single for far too long. I miss the cute notes, holding hands, the sneak kisses on the cheek while out in public, and the late wild nights wrestling in the sheets. To feel comfortable and safe in someone's arms, while knowing they are not judging, just expecting you as you are.  Love, commitment, passion, respect and fun are my true desires. What are yours? Figure them out before its to late and the boogie man takes his hold over you.

Being Born in a Barn

I must of been born in a barn for many reasons, but the main give away is all the pictures of me riding a tractor while I was a baby. Not to mention how I always forget to shut doors, but it's not even doors. Its cabinets and desk draws, you name it. Maybe I'm just not very mindful when it comes to that. I try my best though. Breaking old bad habits is one of the hardest things to do that is why there are groups like AA. Maybe there should be a group for people like me. It could be called Breaking Rude Habits for Those Who Come From a Barn, o wait that is too long. 

How does all this translate to love you ask? Umm well, it's hard to find good ones if you have the mannerism of a pig. Ok, not a pig, but you get my drift. 

I love this term being born in a barn, because it represent the  non exist of socialization of society. Sometimes I just don't how to react in social gatherings like fiending over spilt milk in front of a BOSS. Not Kosher, but I think I added humor to the night, right? 

Clearly, I have some more lessons that I need to learn. I'm sorry Mom I was such a hard one to train. It's no reflection on you though. If you learn later in life than that just means you gave me the skills along the way somewhere. Don't forget to shut those doors. Sometimes you have to shut the old one to open a new.

WARNING: This is just a blog. A way to express and create, many things are falsified. And Mom I love you!! You're the best!!

Full Circle

540

Wendy, The girl who lives in the blue house with the big round t's, came to many revolutions as JC surprising walked through the front door. It was prefect timing and he was the best person to see that evening. Not even catching up yet, Wendy would bombard him with a question she had been dying to ask for months now. "JC, I'm sorry but I just need to know. You know how I felt about you. What did I do wrong?"


"Well there were a lot of things that went wrong. But I would have to say that you just over thought things and you can be a little overwhelming."As the night progressed, Wendy  would remember and realize why she once was so infatuated with JC as he dirtied his hands. She would come to realize also how a real man treats ladies, opens doors while letting you walk in first and etc. It summed up everything that had occur, well not occur but that was stated. Maybe there is a deeper lesson than need to be learned here. 


Another man would make an impact on Wendy that evening. It was her main man someone she liked to call, Dad. He would ask her the end all be all. "Why are you looking so hard to find love?" 


"Dad, I never have thought of it like that before. I guess I don't really know."


"Yea, well hun, just remember you are the only one who is going to love you the most. No one else will love you as much as you. And you won't ever leave or run away.'


Wendy, JC and Wise Woman would scamper off down the block to enjoy their evening together.  As "You probably think this song is about you don't you", played in the back ground,  JC and The Wise Woman gave Wendy more advice which she appreciated greatly and would take to heart to use in the near future. 


As a Wise Woman once said, "Silence is a virtue Wendy, sometimes you just need to be quiet and listen. If you tell everything there is no mystery left to unfold." So there are always secrets that are left untold or unshared.  The most important thing Wendy learned that night is you can't look for another half to make a whole. You need to be that full circle yourself.   J'en ai rien à foutre. I'll do what I want. 

Lost in Translation..

Is it possible for people who speak the same language to become lost in translation? From experience, I would say yes. It happens all the time.  Sometimes we just think the  other person is thinking the same thing as us or we just assume everyone was on the same page. Miss communicating is the story of my life. I speak before I think. If I think about it before, sometimes it just comes out wrong especially when I'm communicating with a person of interest. The nerves just take over and the mind shuts down. 


The damage to the right hemisphere is shown to be a cause of poor social communication. O no, I was drop when I was a baby :(.  I hope I don't have any damage. Well it appears that way sometimes. When you offer a person the rest of the bottle which is a quarter full, it's not because you don't want to be the one who would go to jail. It is because you were just trying to be nice and couldn't drink anymore. I know I can be intuitive but I can't read minds just yet. I'm working on it though. 


Especially now a days with all the many ways we can communicate, it gets hard to read the messages that are being sent. Sometimes you just need to ask and clarify. I would love one day to be able to know what someone is thinking without having to ask but that would make life to easy. Until someone figures out how to use telepathy, social lubricants are always helpful.   

Default plus one

That would normally be a friend? I think so. But it's nice to be some one's main plus one and to have one of your own. It's also nice to have someone to roll through with, flying solo can be overwhelming and is kind of hard to do all the time. Looking for my plus one, someone who is down to get down; however, it's not  only about going out. What about if you need a partner to go sailing with you or fly to Argentina for business? Or to just sit next to on the couch while you both relax? Or how about that new restaurant you wanted to try?


Your default plus one and you have to be under the same agreement and understanding. Default plus one, If you don't have plans than of course you should come with, because I'd love to have you. I'd never ditch you for a boy, if we had already made plans. Sometimes I'm trying to get buck wild but I don't think she would approve to being my plus one to that. Don't get me wrong both being a default plus one and having one is very beneficial. But I'm trying to be loved and give love here.  Not that I don't love you girl, because I do more than words. I think you get my drift. 


Andy + 1, who is down?

Pajama Jam

It was my first time going to the mezzanine and I wasn't disappointed. The mezzanine is a magical place. It's kind of like a warehouse turned to a club, like most clubs in San Francisco. The main focus is the dance floor. It's huge. The dirty bird event was crackin that night. The place was super packed with people in all kind of costumes and PJs. That night I rolled through with a handful of friends, which doesn't happen often and I was feeling on top of the world. Thank you for coming, I hope you enjoyed and will come to more events with me in the near future!! :)


The purple and pink lights bounced around, as I walked into the magical place.  I knew the night was going to be full of surprises just from the appearance. The music mimicked the surrounds. The beats were off the hook and the girl Dj was laying it down. Throughout the night of course I would see and met all kinds of people. I even received some panda love, got a panda hug from girl, in well a panda costume. Sometimes you just need to give some people some love, like through a compliment  or what have you, and they will  mostly will return that love.

This is on the wall in the smoke area at the mezzanine.

That is romance at it's finest. A man lighting your cigarette, especially without a lighter. It's almost like kissing. It's beautifully sensual. That night things continued to unfold like little hidden prizes.

I got noticed in the crowd by one of the big boys. :) Unfortunately, my friends had to leave early, but I stayed and danced the night away. I ran into a old crush while bobbing to the beat. At first he didnt recognize me, but once he did he picked me up with excitement. Let's just say we were  on completely different levels that night. But I knew the drill, so he was in good hands. Sometimes the pass is just the past. There was no rekindle  of a spark that night. I came to realize that we didn't fit as perfectly as I had previously thought. Guess your not the one. 

Sometimes we just get lost in the mind fuck. I've come a long way since than though. Only get trapped when the powers are a little stronger than my own. I use to be a rosebud on the wall, not so much anymore. More like the fucker, than the fucke.

It's been a week and there still  has been no sign of  him trying to communicate with me. It's safe to say, he's just not that into me. It's all good, we can be friends. Sweet, because his friends were really cute. Well hopefully Ill see them around at the next Dirtybird. 

Coffee shops

Great places for the meeting of the minds. I'll always heard it is a great place to meet people too. Working at a cafe you see all these things in action and more. Up until recently I've never meet anyone at a coffee shop. 

The Reader's Cafe,  latte art done by yours truly 

The other day, I went to a cafe to work on my essay and I happened to run into my roommate. When she  took a break from her schoolwork, she walked over to my table. We began discussing what my paper happened to be on. It just so happens my paper is about romantic interactions and how they were translated into a  movie which added to the overall performance. 

After chatting for a few,  my girl went back to work and the guy seating next to me began to chat me up. To make a short story short, he asked me for my number. So I gave my number to a stranger at a coffee shop for the first time. He seemed like a interesting guy, but there wasn't an instant connection or anything. 

Then I began to think how awkward it is to ask someone you don't know for their number. And how awkward it is if you don't really want to give it. Of course, after giving someone your number you always wonder if they are going to actually call you. Sometimes your hoping that they won't. 

In this case, the guy called me the following weekend. Lucky for me, I was working while he called, but he left a message.  He was inviting me to get a cup of coffee that day. I worked and had plans later, so of course I didn't call him back, which is pretty normal. I don't return phone calls or answer my phone often. Might be why people don't really call me. Well we will  need to work on that. The weekend  flew by and I totally forgot about the missed call. 


On Tuesday, I received an email. O, I forgot to say he asked me for my email address first, LOL. Umm it's called Facebook, buddy. But he asked about my paper and all that blah. Seriously, dude?


 I must be giving off some intense attractive energy right now or something,  because I didn't return your phone call. Not that I didn't want to meet up again or anything, but I've been busy. It's finals season. It sucks for you because now Im  don't really want to meet up.   I totally respect not taking my silence as a no or for an answer. This kitty kat doesn't take no for an answer either. But keep fighting the fight, with love for love. 

The Q Bar

The black leather curtains guarded the entrance into the small bar. Once you pass through the gates, you enter into a world of flashing lights and fashionable people. The music had me moving and grooving along with all those on the dance floor. The atmosphere and the lights made me feel like I was in daze. Girl, you got your head all up in the clouds. It's time to come down. Stop being so delusional, because your starting to sound crazy. 


Wait, what? You have to dream big. If you don't reach for the stars then what? That should go with everything in life. So don't settle. 


So open up those bright starry eyes babe.

I need to learn to get my point a crossed quickly. But why? I like long conversations and walks on the beach. I like to focus on one. Its to hard to juggle them all. I'm like a flower, we be blossomin. How are you suppose to know who to choose?  It's not all about your choice. Things need to be reciprocated. If they aren't you need to build a bridge and get over it. Let that fishy go and wave your flag high while shaking your tail feather.  

Are guys like hand bags?

Having a guy is nice, you have someone to hold the important stuff. Aka, no purse to get in the way while you dance. This guy must be trust worthy, before you let him hold your stuff though. Until then, lets be classy independent women! What do classy independent women do? They turn to FASHION!!

While I've been out on the dance floor, I've seen some bags that I dig. I can't decide what is more me, a clutch, small side bag, belt purse, fanny pack, or the sexy grater belt? Time to try them all out. You never should limit yourself. There are lots of possibilities out there. 

But are boys really like bags? Well if so, I know what kind of boys I am attracted to. I guess, I know what kind of bags I like as well. The question than lies, which one works well with me? Is it a search or just a feeling? With trail and error, you can tell. There should be a feeling, and it will just grow into more. Before they realize it, they are holding your stuff. Until then, strap on the purse and keep moving to the beat. 

Miguel

I had a great conversation with someone. You brought about some interesting points, how people communicate now a days, and the concept of why you want what you want. It made me realize, I had to look inward and be honest. If you find it, don't let it go. Keep the fight alive. You never know if you'll find it again. Embrace it!! Love is the essence of life.

The new booty call...

Whatever happened to Myspace? I have no idea, guess Facebook was cooler.  There are so many different forms now a days to get your booty call and Facebook is it. 

You know when someone Facebook pops you that you don't normally chat with on Facebook? Yea, well my guess is, they  are probably trying to get more than just a pop back. Especially when the conversations leads to this:

Jo: Hey, so how is the cute boy hunt going?

Jane: Not well

Jo:  What are you looking for?

Jane: As in? A guy or relationship?

Jo: Both 

Jane: I want to have fun right now and if  it leads to something more than cool. As for guys, I'm into more of the sensitive hypster type.

Jo:  You mean you want to bang gay guys?

Jane: Pretty much

Jo: Well when you want a straight guy...

You guessed it right!! Facebook seems to be the new booty call. 

Have a great weekend, and maybe you'll run into him. Keep it classy San Francisco!

Dolores Park

For all of you who don't know this is Dolores Park. It is the place to be on a nice sunny day in the city. Many people come here to join friends and soak up rays. Good place to meet fabulous guys, but you might want to ask them if they are straight.

The last adventure to Dolores Park resembled a scene from out of a movie. As I crossed the street, right in front of the park, 18th and Church, I was applying lip gloss. As I got closer to the other side,  my chap stick fell out of my hand. It rolled towards the curb. I made a small attempt to grab it but missed. Down the drain it did go. How ironic, after talking about how the chap stick was quite good and I wanted more, it rolls on into a sewer drain.  It all happened so slow; yet, I was in no state to respond quick enough. In a sense, then I let it go.

As a wise women once said, Don't chase, replace. Lesson learned. Dream big, until the next one. 

Sexual Orientation:Bisexual

This all kind of started as a joke. I get told all the time that I'm boy crazy. Well, hopefully this blog will help implicate more diverse topics into my day to day conversations, by taking away some of the energy I use on discussing guys . I figured it's best to write about what you know, or interested in learning more about. So my hopes are to amuse you with all my flirtatious interactions, to question love or what not, and share some quirky clumsy stories of  being a shy girl wearing her heart on her sleeve.  Maybe this will lead me to the love of my life, if not, I may  just find something that is a little more interesting along the way.

on a random street in SF.

Shockingly,  It's not just all about boys. Wow, did she really just say that? Yup, I did.


The concept of beauty has marveled us for centuries, enhance the golden ratio. Does beauty cause attraction? In many cases, yes it does. Someone's physical beauty is the first thing one notices about a person; however, one can become beautiful once you get to know them. Women are breath taking, no matter what their shape or size. The curves on a females body are to die for.Human touch and interaction are also a beautiful thing. This must be what has drawn me to path that I'm on.

It all kind of comes full circle though,who doesn't want to find the love they want? Zeus, why did you have to torture us all? Out of fear from the power that is love? I guess it would be hard to be a human with four legs and four arms though. Yet with love, it should never matter what sex you fall for because we all are just trying to make a whole. Just remember if you fall quick and fast, unroll that sleeve and let it shine. No one will ever know if you don't show it off.