The biggest wake up call...

It just so happens wake up calls can come in the shape of the smallest thing. When that message hits, you sometimes realize your the biggest tool in the tool box. You put yourself in the shoes you decided to wear. You caused all your own pain and hurt from being a closed off, unopened, and untrusting individual. By not being who you truly are and trying to mask all your feelings and flaws. Instead of being direct and forward about everything, you created your own circles to jump through.

People are not really out there trying to hurt you. We are all just looking for the same damn thing. You cant be upset when your not that person for someone. I understand so much more now. I understand that when your looking for someone else your looking for someone who can and will be an extension of yourself. It's your rep on the line.

I fucked up in so many ways. Im not the only one to blame, but Im a big piece of the puzzle. I realized why we aren't friends, because of a like page. Crazy isn't cute either. If you cant handle your drinks and feel good then maybe you need to slow your roll. Its called self control. 

End the end, let the music play. 

Here's to Hope and Redemption!
Love, 
Andy

The man with hidden tattoos

I have some words to share with you. For some reason this is the easiest way for me to do it. I hope you can read me out.

You've been on my mind a lot lately. I thought I let it go, but it appears there was more I wanted you to know. I stopped following because I thought it would help. Then I grew a pair, and woke to realize its about music. You have skill. I understand a little more now. I never told you how I felt or what I wanted, but I'm sure you had some idea.

The first time I saw you
At Mighty for your party and you had a hoop
From that moment I want to know your dark side
Yet, I hope I do not have to say
Did I just want to be him
Or is he someone I use to know
Now wanting to clear the air without all the drama
Fear held me back for the words I should of said to you

No prescription pills here, only fear
Which is worse
Did you return an eye pencil on a stoop?
If so, can I be your beauty?
Only if there is reciprocity
Who cares what the people will say
Either way I will like someone like you


Cheers to inspiration and healing!
xoxo
Andy

Obama

I'm not one for politics, especially in my love life. My political views are something you really have to earn. Why you might ask? Well they are a little different than most. It's not something I give out so freely. If asked the question, Who I would be voting for in the November election? However, I would answer with honesty.

The American Presidential election is coming up in the next few weeks. It appears to be all the talk in my Facebook news feed. We get it, we get it, Obama vs Romney. But, whatever happened to the other guy? We don't seem to be talking to much about them. Since, I don't have a real choice in the matter. It's either Obama or Romney. I'm praying for the former.

And yes, I will vote for the candidate most in favor of  women rights.  A big part of me doesn't want to vote, even though I understand it makes a big difference. I also understand that my really choice wont matter much, because in America really one the two parties matter. The Democratic and The Republican parties. In this case, I might as well make sure that Obama takes California, even though, I'm fairly certain Obama will win California. Just to be safe, no pin indented, Obama you're my man.

Obama has to win. If he doesn't, then what will become of my sex life? I can personal say I've never had to choose between pro life or pro choice and I hope to never have too. If they will take away my choice, what would happen next? My free access to birth control? It might be a stretch. However, take away my choice is like taking away my rights to birth control. Yes, abortion is a extreme step and last resort on the birth control scale. But if getting denied free birth control is next, then I'd have to be more select on how I sexually engage with others. Not that I'm not already, but sex after marriage might have to come back into play. I'd rather not deal with the fuss  of the stress of producing a fuss.

Maybe we all should be taking this election as a big wake up call. Not just speaking in turns of our love and sex lives but in the sense of being informed. So vote Obama, so women can have more of a choice.  

A week filled with unexpected weather...

The filth tornado came spinning dangerously and dark, during the week that felt like a month. Through the gray sky, reality was shinning down uncovering what seemed to be only shadows. Those shadows were the ones who were truly dancing. The little light inside was drowning. 

Why you might ask? Well stress induced bodies can only handle so must until they exploded. When that demon takes hold, he breaks down the body immunity system and the nasty disease recks havic on the mind and body. With demons running a muck in your being, one has a hard time keeping emotions in check. Especially if the emotions and desire are not communicated fulling. Not the best way to make a first impression, especially highly intoxicated, and with other challenges in the way.

A day in the desert, can feel like a week to many. However, in the end it was just a day. But how much time do you have to truly spend with someone until you know you like how they feel? Yes, you might not know if you are compatible. Yet, you can know you like the feeling of being in their presences and the way they make you feel. What is in a connections?  It can get very confusing, especially, to someone who is looking for more than just a friendly connection.

Many lessons were learned. You should never push expectations on someone. Especially, if you don't know all their secrets. You could mean the world to someone or you could be a tester. Scaring people off and acting like a crazy are not the cutest qualities in a lady. But hey, at least I was true and honest. I put myself completely out there. The bright side and the dark side were all on the table. It does not get much more uglier than that. I guess a normal person would know, the reason for ones travels, but you if never ask, no one ever tells.  

You know that feeling you get when your mind is spinning and you cant formula a logical sentence? You do, ok, good, because that's when things can be kind of painful. It makes you wonder was their a connection or did I just get womanized? That's when you need to put down the old shit and embrace the present moment. Let it all unfold as it may, because time and love work in mysteries ways. P.S. all that needs to be on your mind is you for the next 10 weeks. Sometimes you need an creative outlet though to keep yourself in check and let emotions go.

This week that felt like a month, would I do it all over?  I wish I could do it all over. Especially Sunday, because that is the day I regret the most. I think remembering the words that were exchanged on a second store patio would of been the best words to discuss again. From what I can remember, it was break up before we could even make up. Still a little confused at what we were breaking up from. I think that was me and all my emotion? With that drunk recall, my hope of anything more came crushing down like a brick wall so when you held my hand I pulled away because I thought I got taken out of them game. I felt I couldn't turn the tide back in my favor.  So romance and physical connection was a bit much, and I didn't want to get sucked in again without having something tangible given in return. However, I wanted physical touch and deepness more than anything, but it appears Im afraid of it. Platonic love...Ill save that one for another day. But maybe I wasn't ready for all that anyway. I know the one will come. The one where we connect and fit perfectly.  The one who makes me better and teaches me the things and I them. The one who lives on my level, in the sense of works hard and plays hard. Who wants me in every way. For the one lives inside me, and it time to shed the darkness and embrace the light without turning back.

We find gems where we go, its the ones that are worth fighting for or where you have to work the most that make it all worth it. Without challenges and time of pain, we would never know how to appreciate the other side.

XOXO. 
Andy
Show a little more love to get a little more love. 

Hey you...

Would you like too much or not enough love? Honestly, I'd rather choice the later. If not, well, how will that person ever know. Why would you want to not show love? Well, because not getting it can hurt, but giving can as well. Why or what are we afraid of? The rejections. The moment when you are not the one. The moment when the kind of love you want to receive isn't reciprocated. Connection is necessary and I wanted it. Intensity, is the only thing I'm looking for. Love isn't for the weak, when vulnerability beginnings to hurt, and you're not getting as much as you need. It hurts and is hard.

You shouldn't give all of yourself at once, but you should give yourself to a degree. You're special, baby, start acting like it and demanding respect. You want love, well you need to learn and recognize when its present. If love is not there, it may never be. Your heart is big and you only deserve Worthy ones. Getting ripped off and lied to really sucks, more especially when its with your heart. $25 bucks is nothing.  Well what do you do from there. Umm you grow a pair, duh. No you smile and say thank you, I'm hurt, but I will move on. I love you and wish you the best. But once your emotions and the level of respect drops, you need to left yourself off the hook and swim like a free fishy. Fishers are sneaky ones.

I think giving love is a hard thing to do. How do you give love without giving up you? And not in a physical sense but in an emotion one. How do you protect a heart that is trying to be open? Once that heart is wounded its hard to give it again. BTW, word to to the wise, Do not tell a person they are a beautiful soul and thank them, when they don't even return your text. I'm looking for real love too Hun. Enough said. Cheers, Here's to pulling numbers and chasing summer love.

Thank you to all who inspire me and teach me lessons. Did your mother raise you?
XO
AT

Light Warrior

“the best way to spend your life is through connections.” by Adam, from You Instead.

The light warrior

A man from far away land, who brings nothing but joy where he goes. He walks with confidence. His smile is as bright as the armor he wears to protect himself from his enemies. The light that radiates from his being shines, so big it lights up the darkest of nights and can be seen through the worse of white outs. As our eyes lock, we lingered in a stare for a second longer then we should have for a first time glance. A familiar sense filled my being, it was as if I had met this man once before. His stare penetrated my being in an unexplainable way. This caused me to shyly looked away.

After already meeting someone on my first night in the dust, and not having any satisfaction come out of it, I wasn't looking for anymore intimate interactions and connections. Yet our paths crossed frequently, because of mutual friends. Every time he came around I couldn't keep my eyes off him, not because of his beauty; However, he is a very handsome man. There was something drawing me to him. I just wanted to know who he was and everything about him. It must have been the familiarity I felt. Eventually, we would be introduced. Yet, we did not get the chance to interact much. One, because I wont let it happen. I did not want to be taken over by his powerful presence. I wanted to keep my distance. I was almost resistant to him. He tried to engage with me a few times, but some how we would get interrupted or I would be short with him. I wasn't trying to be rude, but something inside wanted me to protect myself.

I had build up a lot of walls revolving around men. Since he was attractive, I unconsciously didn't want to form any feelings or connection with him. I had come to the desert to get over someone and to lose my ego. I was on a personal journey that I thought didn't involve other people. O how I didn't realize, its the people who make the dessert such an oasis, from their heart and creativity. What I was unaware of was the second half of my journey involved this man to some degree.

He would take me on a journey into the deep depths of a dream. The adventure would start off with the simple of questions, would you like to dance. If you love music and moving your body, that is the last question you can resist. I felt like we just fell into a rhythm like we were the best of friends, or maybe that is what I was after. My last full day in the dust would be celebrated with amazing beats and a wonderful adventure into my heart.

As I sat on a white fuzzy rug under the sun, feeling like I was in a lost world, something turned on inside me. This light warrior had guided me into something I haven't felt in sometime. The light bulb had gone off. I came away from my journey with so much. I was introduced into a different kind of connection within myself and others. I finally felt, that love wasn't a crime. That love was something everyone wants and it was OK to give it. You didn't have to give yourself to give either, which was a very new experience for me. While on that rug, I felt like I was having deja vu, and mention it. The words that came out of this man mouth, made my mind and heart skip a beat. He simply asked, “Are we in my dream or ours?” If felt so serial, but I knew I knew the answer. We were in his dream.

The journey continued into the evening. As we watched a burn, something inside began to continue to grow. The birth of something magical was born as something as the beautiful and delict as the temple was in flames. Some times great things must die for even better things to be born. This is the cycle of life.

After only the ashing remained, reminding us of the beauty, truth was announced. We shared our secrets, what we had written on the walls of the temple. Mine of letting go of a past lover and his of ego. The strange thing was letting go of ego and judgement were the main reason I want to venture into the desert. I happen to find someone who was representing that.

As we parted, a little piece of me hurt. I felt that what I had found inside was going to be taken away, because the person who had helped me find that was possibly going to be gone forever. Would that glow leave with him? No it won't. I will forever be grateful for the moments and connection that was formed and found in the desert. Thank you Light Warrior. You are a beautiful soul. I wish you all the best.

Always and forever...

xo,

Andy

The dusty glow

BRC is a magical wonderland that feeds the soul, leaving people with a certain glow. This glow tends to open up the heart and turn off the minds evil voice, ego. Life stresses appear to be the dimmer. As the high fades, the mind begins to stir. Hopefully, Decompression will bring back a little bit of the dusty glow I seem to be tightly holding onto. Reality is setting in and I think its time to let it go.  I don't want to though. 

As the ego awakes, it begins to take hold. I want to stop it. How I thought a part of it dried up during the days I was away. It turns out it was just asleep. Now its time to have the self control to shut it up on my own. If I cant shut it up and make it go away, then I must drowned it in positivity and love. Here's to hope and possibilities.

We all have flaws

Have you ever been afraid of not being prefect? And realized that those imperfection are what make you who you are? This feeling is very strange. Its even stranger when you demonstrate those imperfections and have to realize you have them. Not only realize it, but have to own up to them, especial to someone you like. Typically people try their hardest to make people like them, instead of just being themselves. It's so easy to be attracted to someone, because there are so many beautiful people out there and there are many things to help aid  ones beauty, such as make up, etc. It's harder to actually form a true connection that goes deeper then lust. Anyone can just jump in the sheets and get to it. Trying to keep someone around, because you know about rhythms and are good at them, isn't that hard. But to try to form a connection and relationship base on more then just mutual attraction can be very exposing, to from a true connection, one has to be true to themselves and be open to being vulnerable.

Sometimes when you've been hurt or in a certain mind space, being vulnerable feels like pulling teeth. Being open to yourself, to others, and to your emotions is very challenging. Sometimes it hurts more then we can bear. It is very scary to show affection. When you begin to question do they like me, one tends to look at one's own flaws. Then the fear creeps in, and you think your flaws may out weigh your wonderful light. In reality, you need to look inside and say, “Hey you, you're awesome. If someone doesn't like you because you aren't perfect, then they aren't the one for you.” Realize that if this person doesn't like you for your flaws and vulnerable, the universe is just giving you a sign. Maybe you are suppose to realize the issues you have around relationships, such as trust. Maybe someone else is meant to fill their spot. And, hey, guess what, you will have more fantastic and mind blowing experiences in your life.  Hey, maybe its not you're lesson to learn, but you're helping someone else towards their awakening. Remember, things happen for a reason.

We all have flaws. Some people are better at hiding them. Some are also better at not admitting that they have them. But every one's shit stinks some times, don't forget that. I love my flaws, because they are just room for more improvement towards the person I'm suppose to be. Life is about change and adaption. The ones who can adapt, be open and love again are the ones who survive. Darwin was a genius. Survive of the fittest. Don't waste your energy on people who cant love you for your silly little flaws, like not being able to spell or miss using your words. Those little flaws make you that much more beautiful. Love yourself.  

Dear La Playa

Im writing this letter to thank you. Thank you for everything you provided and showed me. You helped break me down and build me back up. You made me realize I put blinders on. I was hiding from the world. I was hiding behind this shy girl, who I created, because I was afraid to break down walls and be bigger than the body I was given. I learned how to be compassionate once more. I was reminded of who I truly am. For that I will always be grateful.

I don't know if its the harassness of the environment, mixed with the surrounding beauty, or the way you are forced to go with the flow and rhythms of the universe, but something about this dried up lake bed helps you learn life lessons quickly. Many of those lessons being, to be present and to follow your heart's true desires. I'm grateful for all the connections I made while I was there. It made me believe once more and not to question my intuition. 

As the man and temple burnt, I left apart of me to blow away in the dust. I shed a layer of skin that was very necessary for my growth. I transfered into the woman I want to be, who wears her heart on her sleeve, but knows how to give that affection openly and freely. Not only do I thank La playa, but all who helped make it possible. I also thank all who helped fill my heart with light once more. I hope our paths do cross once again and not just once a year. But if it's only once a year or never again, then I wont let the memories fade. 

Love Always and Forever,

Andy

P.S. If you were a human being and not a piece of land, I would want to be in a loving commitment relationship with you. Since I can't, I hope the dust lingers as long as it can, so I have some physical form to hold onto. xoxo. Love is the only way.

There is brightness at the end of the tunnel.

This whole thing started as a joke, as I mention in earlier blogs, but it turned into a journey of its own. This journey to find love has taught me so much about people, love, connections, and myself. On this path, I've hurt people and have been hurt. It began to close myself off. It make me think love was something only found in fairy tales that Disney had made up. From this, I began to become afraid to show my true feeling and be honest with who I am and what I wanted. I've done unmoral things in attempts to feel things, some kind of connection or emotion from another. From that, karma has found me. I've tired to be open and give myself but instead I had just shown disrespect to myself and the vehicle in which my spirit residents in. From all this hurt and pain, I lost my true self. I become one of them. The people who are dark, closed off, and self absorbed. I felt that love was just a game, like cat and mouse, and it needed to be chased. So I chased, chased and chased, pushing love so far away that all I got was the sugar coat vision of fake love or envy. It was all about desire and no real connection. I lost my self worth and identity.

Then I found something that gave me back a piece of me. My career turned on a little light inside, because as a massage therapist all you do is give light and love. However, I didn't know how to give it to myself or recognized when the real light was being given to me unconditional. I kept searching and doing my own personal work. I learned to listen to the synchronicity of life and go with the flow as much as possible. Then I began making decisions that would guide me to actually seeing the light and feeling it inside of me. I needed more wood to build my fire inside. A fire doesn't keep going unless it is feed. And fear isn't the proper fuel to make a roaring fire. Love is the proper fuel. Sometimes we need a wake up call to make us realize what state we've put ourselves in. Sometimes that wake up call can have repercussions, ones you may have to deal with for the rest of your life.

Once my alarm went off and my ego was set aside to a degree, and La Playa was introduced to my journey. There I learned that love and positivity are truly the only way. I've come to be aware that I'm not boy crazy as much as I thought I was, but that I'm actually particular with the people I interact with. I'm actually crazy about beauty. By beauty I mean honesty and light. Some times beauty can play tricks on you, because beauty comes in a physical form. The beauty I'm describing here residents inside and shines through your physical being. Along with this I was shown to love me, with all my darkness and light. To learn to not try to change either, but to just be true to both and acknowledge them. To show your beauty you have to let it shine. Don't hide it from the world. No one can take it from you, unless you let them. I never needed some handsome guy to make me feel this way. It was there all along, just didn't know how to unlock the cage I put myself in. Then something clicked, I don't know how or when. It just did. Maybe it was the wake call that started it all or maybe La Playa was the prefect retreat. Once you love yourself truly, you want nothing more then to give that love to others, especially people who are in the same place as you. Someone who can give and receive in the same way as yourself. Someone where there is just this connection you cant explain. I think you know it when you see it. Its not that you see more that you feel it. I've been lead to my true journey and real desire. I wont be looking back. Here's to truth, loving yourself and others.

Cheers

xoxo

Its the worse when..

You have this sexy man, who is a prefect catch, staring at you , both of you knowing your not compatible or are in two different places in your life. The prefect catch being a nice, caring young man who is focused, smart, attractive, interesting, not only interested in men, connected, totally OK with himself, who likes to move his body, loves his family, and who will go listen to house music with you, because he some what enjoys it. When you have similar morals and belief, but one person is a night owl and the other is a early riser, things don't seem to always work out. Yet, Its such a shame , when you know that you could or would give up your life style for such a catch, but in the end the relationship would never last. One of you would be unhappy, because you weren't living the truth you felt you need to experience. Trust me when I say this, I've been there.

It just can be so frustrating, when you seem to be into completely the wrong guys. I think I've come to learn there is something you can learn from everyone. Also, You might be getting just that same vibe you put out to others. For example, you're a fun smart person who likes to let loose sometimes and get wild like an animal, but maybe the real honest truth is your not ready for the intense commitment and real thing just yet. Maybe you'll looking to have fun, get to know yourself a little more and maybe that fun intimate partner in crime can one day turn into the real thing. Or maybe you will just fall into something  and not even realize it. It could so happen you're just into the player time and sometimes you might just get player. No matter if you staring at the prefect catch or just some guy who has the ball, you should always follow your heart and how someone makes you feel, because in the end that is where the true chemistry lays.  

Cheers, Here's to love and an awesome new friendship with a prefect catch. Try your hardest not to be afraid to love, because its totally OK to be in love with someone. 

XO, 

Andy

Climbing partner

Recently I joined Planet Granite and started rock climbing, meaning I only boulder for now and I only go like once a week :/.  Anyhow, It is a great workout and lots of fun. It stimulates the mind and body. I love the challenge. The climbing community has intrigued  me and how it relates to meeting people.

I noticed whenever I meet new people, especially guys, we get on the subject of climbing, and they always mention how they are looking for a climbing partner. I know literally they mean they just want someone who will just belay them, but sometimes it feels like there's a deeper meaning behind it. It's as if they are putting it all out there, right away and straight to the point. Is it a sign of commitment? It totally feels like there is this underlining message, as if they mean business.  Like, "I don't fuck around, I'm a climber. I'm looking for someone who is just as serious about this sport/hobby as me, do you think you could commit to that?" Or,  "I'm looking for a climbing partner and I go a few times a week. What do you think? Want to meet up?"

Honestly, I have no idea how to take this statement. I freeze up and just say I'm a newbie who only boulders. Maybe that is a big sign that I don't know how to be a WE, but just only a ME.  Either way, I don't know if I'm ready to commitment to climbing with someone yet. It appears to be a lot of pressure. Then not only are you committing to that person, but you have to commitment to the sport by buying gear and all that jazz. Don't get me wrong, when I like some thing, I'm all about the commitment, sign me up. But, when you're just getting your feet wet in the shallow end,  it can be intimidating when a sexy men says he is looking for a climbing partner as he stares at you. It makes me just want to run the other direction and hide in a hole.

Maybe it some mental and physical push I just have to get over, just like climbing. You don't get better if you don't practice, right? Here's to completely a V2 next climb!

Dropping a bottle of hearts....

"Go where your heat takes you... Listen to your feelings and trust them. Let them guide you through life and it's choices. You might just find what you are looking for!," read the wine bottle called The Flying Heart. How could you resist buying a bottle that speaks to you this much, especially when your at a cross roads between your heart and your head. I should of seen the red flags when the clerk told me the wine was a little on the sweet side for a red, typically I favor more the bolt. Choosing the right bottle of wine can be just as important as choosing the right guy; However,  it appears getting the guy back to your pad is a lot easier then getting the right bottle home.

As I crossed the street, I thought to myself, I should be careful how I'm holding this bag. Right in that moment, yup, a bottle fell in the middle of the inner section, so I yelled in frustration. Luckily, it was just a little damaged. I went to grab the rest of my belongs, while holding the bottle between my legs. Then again the bottle fell, neck first, causing a crack big enough to create a leak. The question left on my mind was, "I hope the second bottle is worth it, and its not just a pretty face."

After getting home, it was time to open the thing and get the night started. As I assumed, the drama wasn't worth the pop. The bottle of wine was so confused. It didn't know what to be, sweet or tangy. So not only did my first heart crack in the middle of the street, but the second was a bust. Leaving me without any satisfaction for my efforts, it just so happens the Flying Heart was nothing more then a beautiful bottle with a miss leading inspiration.

 Walking home with a paper bag with two bottle of wine, is like wearing your heart on your sleeve. You have to thread lightly, when at a crossroad, or else you might end up with a bottle that isn't so tasty. The one paper bag that decides it wants to bail on you, teaches us that you should double bag your wine , when walking it home. Also, stop buying bottles, because they sound to good to be true. 

Sex and the city

So recently, I have been aware of the fact that I've been writing a blog that seems to be a ripe off of Carrie Bradshaw's column from sex in the city. But to honest, up until a few weeks ago, I had only seen about five episodes and the movie. I happen to be completely unaware I was mimicking a TV show, well at least consciously. I was possessed to watch all the session from start to finish, because a friend of mine told me if I wanted dating advice I need to start there. For some strange reason I took this advice. After about many hours and dollars spend on Amazon instant watch, I finished all 6 sessions about a week ago.

I came to realize that I was a mixture of all the leading women, but I feel most women are. I mean it wont have been a hit show in the 90's if single women couldn't relate to it. Yet, I related mostly to Samantha and Carrie, but mostly Carrie. Maybe it was for the fact that I have a blog, write and talk mostly about boys, well now I think I'm truly moving on to men. However, besides keeping an online dairy about my personal interaction with the opposite sex, I put the pieces together and realized I seem to have the same dating style as the main character. When it comes to having a good guy be into me I push them away by being crazy, or in some cases change who I am to please and keep a relationship with a man. For example, when Carrie stops smoking cigs for Aidan, or like the time when she was into the artist and he treated her like a prince yet their just was no spark. I seem to be into the guys I cant have, or the ones who wont ever be the one you want or need. But yet, Carrie cant seem to get Mr. Big out of her mind space and continuly goes back to him after all the hurtful and disrespectful things he does to her . All Carrie's friends dislike Big, except for good old Charlotte. Charlotte is the only one who thinks they were met to be. Well most of us know how it ends up, they get married.

Yet, that is such fiction. Here's to the real thing

Appearances are everything

Have you ever left your house without your face on or in your pj's? How did it make you feel? I use to think it never matter. I always figured if you ran into the love of your life, while buying items at your corner store in your pj's and no makeup on it, shouldn't phase anyone. That future husband or friend should be able to expect you at your worst and at you're best, yes this is true; however, I've been enlightened. I won't want to approach or start up a convo with the smelly person next to me, and as they say do onto others as you'd want done to you. It seems first impressions are more important that I had given them credit for. One should be in the best form when meeting new people, that increases the chance of someone wanting to have a second interaction with you.

As I traveled through the south of the united states, I notice all the women around appear to be in the best form, while I ran around with my comfy clothes on and the makeup  from the day lingering on my eyes. I felt inadequate and not with the highest self esteem. I think how we view ourselves contributes a lot to our self worth. It shows others what you think of yourself and how you want to be interpreted. No matter how funny, smart, and caring you are, no one will be able to get to see that when the first thing they notice is this girl doesn't care about herself enough to be presentable. Now I understand why my roomies never want to go to the store in the pj's, because you never know who ya'll run into going down the allies.

My biggest female role model in my life, my mother, brought it to my attention how I have left my inner hippie become my outer self. As, she says, “it looks like every time I see you, you look like never shower.” I guess I was saving getting ready for special occasions. While San Francisco has shown me a side of myself I wanted to embrace more then I knew, one shouldn't be so extreme even if you are. Its kind of a turn off. There is nothing wrong with having hippie morals and still showering, use those ideologies when shopping down the allies at your corner store. You never know when that special moment will come. P.S, If your 12 older cousin who is a tom boy can still mange to get up everyday and get cute, so can you. First role to finding the man of your dreams, be ready anytime for him to walk into life. But wearing makeup to the gym just wont ever happen for this girl, sorry, there is no need to clog anymore of my pores. Here's to any moment being ready for any special moment and finding your ideal love.

Cheers.

Would I know who you were if I ran into you on the street?

I would hope so. If not, I hope the author of this love letter hears what he has been waiting for, which sounds like it was awhile ago. I found this note on the ground at the second connection on my way to work.

first half of the note

the second half

This happen to be right in front of the bus stop. How cute! Now that is love...One day until then.

xoxo

Where does intuition come into play with matters of the heart?

I try to follow my heart, but I tend to not bring my brain a long with me in moments when I should. I think its, because I'm always in my mind. My obsession with romance or intense feelings, help me get out of my own prison.  Yet, when I let myself go, feel, and then react, the out come seems to go against my intuition or vision. I guess, it's because you don't have control  over how others react to a situation or how they feel. Hey, maybe they just want one thing, or maybe they felt what you felt and it scared them. I'm going to hope for the latter. Why, because I'm a hopeless romantic, who let it go once; yet, we reconnected on the dance floor, one of the most rhythm places to rekindle a flame.

I'm pretty sure we have all meet that one person, who no matter what, you want to go back to them. It's not just that they are beautiful or handsome, but, because, there is something that  attracts you to them, like a magnetic, maybe they are the cation to your anion. Besides  the polar bond, they have qualities that are important to you. A sensitive side, which must of sucked me in, because I find it so sexy, or maybe that awkward dorkiness puts a smile on my face.  I love that you are rough around the edges too. But, maybe I'm attracted to the comfort of being completely who I am around you. Or how I  am constantly on my toes trying to read you. Obsessed much? Um I won't call it an obsession, maybe passion.


 If friends are all we can be, can we at least be good friends who care for one another? P.S., can you really teach me to DJ? I don't need another partner in crime. Amy Winehouse did sing it best, "Stop making a fool out of me;" however, she did die from an overdose. RIP. But this time, I'm not going to let you make a fool out of me. Google,  is my preventive tool.  I think it proved to me I was just another score on the board. But sometimes miracles happen, Here's to Hope.


With unconditional love,
XOXO